I was very moved this morning by a series of segments on BBC Breakfast, talking about grief in lockdown.
I am not a stranger to loss or grief, but I have never lost someone very close to me, much less in such difficult times. I think I’m an empathetic person, but I know no matter how empathetic someone is, they cannot fully comprehend an experience like that until they go through it themselves.
On this blog I have been mostly focused on trying to bring hope and positivity to people in all circumstances, but I also want it to bring help and support where needed, so I felt called to write this.
To everyone who has lost someone, especially during or right before the pandemic, I want to say that my heart truly breaks for you. And while it might seem, while I’m blogging about the positive changes coming out of this time, that I’m ignoring or disregarding the pain that people are going through right now, who would much rather that Covid19 had never happened—that is not my intention.
I admit that I have not felt the full emotional impact of what is going on in other people’s lives. At the moment, the anxiety I’m experiencing for my family’s health and my own feels like as much as I can bear, and I try not to dwell on the terrible cost people are paying with their lives right now, because I’m afraid of being overwhelmed by the pain it invokes. I’m trying not to cry right now as I write this.
Recently I found out that a friend I hadn’t seen in several years for various reasons, but whom I still care a lot for, was in hospital. I’ve been doubly worried since I know she is high risk, and I’ve since found out she lost several friends recently. Although she’s home and stable now, I’m still concerned for her and remember her in my prayers. Some weeks ago, the thought of losing my parents suddenly hit me, and it was a horrible feeling that left me sobbing for several minutes. I am not a stranger to fear for loved ones. But I know I can’t fully understand what those who have lost loved ones are going through.
In many ways, this is an exciting time for myself and many others. We’re seeing so many changes to society, many of them good, which I hope and pray will be permanent. But I don’t want to be numb to or lose sight of the cost, and I want to be able to help in any way I can those who are really, really struggling more than any of us.
I will shortly be posting some resources and things which were shared on the show, but I will end this particular post with the poem by Hussain Manawer which really touched my heart.